Friday Afternoon Funnies – Apple to Move the Earth to Fix Their Maps

The Onion has a great reputation for provide comedy and satirical gold. They had another good week, providing a (two months too late) video on the whole Apple Maps shitshow, when they kicked Google Maps to the curb. The video shows how Apple is planning to fix their massive errors – by re-aligning the Earth! Sounds simple.

This and other highly innovative measures are suggested, and I agree with all of them. Check out the video as part of your Friday Afternoon Funnies.

As a bonus, we have excerpts of another gem they put out this week. They featured an opinion piece “written by Chris Brown”.

In this article, he says things such as:

“I really don’t understand how anyone could support Chris Brown. I mean, seriously, I am just about as bad as it gets, right? Is that even up for debate anymore? Should anything about me even be up for debate anymore, given what a rank piece of dogshit I am?”

“I swear, shit like this makes me want to grab one of my fans and scream, “I VIOLENTLY BEAT A WOMAN! WITH MY BARE HANDS! AND THEN SAID I DIDN’T REALLY REMEMBER DOING IT! AND BLAMED THE MEDIA FOR RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP!”

“Honestly, I am exactly what I appear to be: a misogynist asshole with little impulse control and no sense of personal responsibility. What do you expect? I’ve been a millionaire since I was, like, 16!”

“Also, my music isn’t good. If I were Prince or something, that would be one thing, but I’m not. I’m essentially a bland corporate pop act specifically, and cynically, designed to appeal to a young and thoroughly undiscerning audience demographic. So the “I don’t care that he’s kind of a monster—the music is too good to deny” argument is pretty weak soup too, in my opinion.”

Read the whole thing over at the Onion. Enjoy the weekend.